The TLP Network

No One and a Half

No One and a Half: Banter Between Songs

by on Jan.14, 2008, under Articles, No One and a Half

Scribed by Jason Firestone.

“What’s up you losers! We’re Rotten Black Soul all the way from Vajina, Illinois! We’re on our two-week tour through the towns of everyone on our MySpace friends list who are letting us crash on their couches! That’s Jeff on lead guitar, Colin on rhythm guitar, Fred on bass, Scooter on drums, and my name is MALAMAR!! This song is about burning in acid. It’s called: ‘BURNING!! IN!! ACID!!!!!’” (continue reading…)

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No One and a Half: 24 Notes To Self

by on Jan.07, 2008, under Articles, No One and a Half

Scribed by Jason Firestone.

1. Dry humping random strangers is not a good way to meet people.
2. Dry humping musical instruments on stage is not sexy. (continue reading…)

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No One and a Half: Insert new article title here

by on Dec.17, 2007, under Articles, No One and a Half

Scribed by Jason Firestone.

Blah blah blah. Busy busy busy. No time for chilling… or sleeping… or, well, life.

No change; constant consistency. Head spinning. Who’s gonna catch my head when it flies off? (continue reading…)

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No One and a Half: The Band

by on Dec.10, 2007, under Articles, No One and a Half

Scribed by Jason Firestone.

The microphone is a chew toy. Singing, screaming, growling, moaning… the only ways for a guy to deep-throat a phallic object without (continue reading…)

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No One and a Half: Look At What You’ve Become, pt. 1

by on Nov.26, 2007, under Articles, No One and a Half

Scribed by Jason Firestone.

You.

Yes, you.

Remember what it was like back in the day? (continue reading…)

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No One and a Half: The Life Of A Musician

by on Nov.19, 2007, under Articles, No One and a Half

Scribed by Jason Firestone.

School, work, music, sleep, school, work, music, sleep, sleep, sleep, lather, rinse, repeat… Do the dishes, do laundry, do work for school, do the dew, do unto others, do what thou wilt… Talk to myself, talk to you, talk to no one, talk out of my ass, talk with my foot in my mouth…

I had way more caffeine today (continue reading…)

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No One and a Half: Two Cents on Stage Shows, Pt. 3

by on Nov.12, 2007, under Articles, No One and a Half

Scribed by Jason Firestone.

More ways to get your band’s stage show to not suck!

8. Don’t EVER while you’re on stage advertise (continue reading…)

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No One and a Half: Two Cents on Stage Shows, Pt. 2

by on Nov.05, 2007, under Articles, No One and a Half

Scribed by Jason Firestone.

Haha! You thought you were done realizing how much you suck! Hold onto your teddy bears, here’s Part 2 of the No One and a Half Two Cents on Stage Shows for Musicians… in list form! (continue reading…)

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No One and a Half: Two Cents on Stage Shows, Pt. 1

by on Oct.29, 2007, under Articles, No One and a Half

Scribed by Jason Firestone.

Your band’s stage show is pathetic. Only you can figure out how to improve it, but I’d like to give you one man’s opinion on what you’re doing wrong. Unfortunately, that one man happens to be me. So, with the help of my good friends Sleep Deprivation and Caffeine Withdrawal, I present to you, in list form, part 1 of the No One and a Half Two Cents on Stage Shows for Musicians! (continue reading…)

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No One and a Half: Metal and Open-Mindedness

by on Oct.22, 2007, under Articles, No One and a Half

Scribed by Jason Firestone.

Check it: You’re mind-blowingly metal. Metal is your middle name and might as well be your first and last as well. You bleed metal. No, seriously, molten steel actually comes out when you bleed. (continue reading…)

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