The TLP Network

No One and a Half

No One and a Half: Rules of Simplicity

by on Sep.08, 2008, under Articles, No One and a Half

Scribed by Jason Firestone.

If you can’t sell five copies of your CD, how do you justify getting 1000 made?

If you don’t promote your shows, booking three a week won’t make you famous any faster.

If you can’t get the drunk and desperate 35-year-old bar fly who has a permanent spot at the end of the bar to go home with you, don’t even try going for that gorgeous 21-year-old who is only there to see her boyfriend’s crappy band.

If one of those XXL energy drink canisters doesn’t wake you up, you should probably get some sleep.
(continue reading…)

Comments Off on No One and a Half: Rules of Simplicity more...

No One and a Half: Show Your Face

by on Aug.18, 2008, under Articles, No One and a Half

Scribed by Jason Firestone.

What is wrong with people these days? Your resentment of the below-average intelligence of the typical bar-going chump is not only understandable, it’s completely normal. After all, at the end of a long week of work people just want to go out to a club with some friends, get a blood alcohol level that’s a multiple of 2, and attempt to pick up someone to share a bed with for a night. You, on the other hand, would rather plop down in front of the glowing computer screen and lurk around MySpace looking for venues and local people who might possibly have the slightest chance of being into your band’s music, as well as sending emails kissing up to promoters and radio DJs in the hopes that one of those contacts will be the one who unleashes your band’s music upon the unsuspecting masses, launching you and your band head-first into superstardom. Or at least that’s how it happens before you wake up stuck to your bed.

Everyone is out there while you’re sitting in your comfy chair in your smiley-face boxers drinking Southern Comfort and letting your waist grow. And you wonder why no one comes to your shows. The best way to get on the radar of everyone who would rather go out and risk getting a DUI every Friday and Saturday night than go home after work and go to sleep early is to intercept their routine. Get yourself in their fuzzy weekend memory banks. In other words: SHOW YOUR FACE! Go out to shows, talk yourself up, meet people! If talking to you about your band is the last thing some guy remembers before finding himself in his apartment at 5am with everything he drank that night coming out of both ends of his body, you might be doing something right (or very very wrong, but let’s not go there).

So get out into the real world, find a show at a decent-sized venue with a bunch of bands you’ve never heard of, and talk to people. Even if you don’t instantly make a ton of friends you’ll still be more productive than if you went about your normal routine of couching it in your apartment with one hand on your computer keyboard and the other hand somewhere beneath your stomach, listening to the radio, and telling some girl on MySpace with “~~<3 I’m Only Jailbait If They Catch You <3~~” as her display name about how famous your band is going to be.

Comments Off on No One and a Half: Show Your Face more...

No One and a Half: Secret

by on Aug.04, 2008, under Articles, No One and a Half

Scribed by Jason Firestone.

Hey… you…I got a secret. No seriously. I’ll tell it to you. Shhh! Don’t say anything. I figured it all out. I did. Seriously. And I’m willing to tell you. Just listen. Check it out. Those bands. Certain bands. Whether they’re really good or just totally suck. They bring out a bunch of (continue reading…)

Comments Off on No One and a Half: Secret more...

No One and a Half: Point of View

by on Jul.22, 2008, under Articles, No One and a Half

Scribed by Jason Firestone.

The Band Member:
“I had a show Saturday. Woke up at 8am because I still had to work a full day first. I’d give my left nut to be able to have Saturdays off again, especially on show days, but $4 per gallon gas isn’t going to pay for itself. So anyway, I got off work about 5 and headed over to the 7-11 to get a (continue reading…)

Comments Off on No One and a Half: Point of View more...

No One and a Half: Things You Should Know

by on Jun.23, 2008, under Articles, No One and a Half

Scribed by Jason Firestone.

The cover song you picked for your set = better than the entire rest of your set.

Putting out the same album for 20 years does not make you “true,” “dedicated,” or “loyal,” it makes you really really really boring. On the flip side to that, if people are actually buying every single one of your albums despite it being a complete recycling of your last (read: every single AC/DC album after Back in Black), you’re running one hell of a good business. (continue reading…)

Comments Off on No One and a Half: Things You Should Know more...

No One and a Half: Short-Term Memory

by on May.26, 2008, under Articles, No One and a Half

Scribed by Jason Firestone.

Venue Owner: Whats up guys! Thanks for playing last night! That was a great show! Hey do you think you could play here again September 24th? I’m trying to set up a good show for then and you guys would be great for it.
Band: Hell yeah, we’re all down for that. Mark us down!
Owner: Awesome, looking forward to it! And remember to keep bringing alcoholics! We can’t make any money off of Red Bull and Coke. Especially with the economy the way it is and everything.
Band: Yeah yeah yeah, we know, we know.

A few weeks pass… (continue reading…)

1 Comment more...

No One and a Half: Types of Local Music Fans, pt. 1

by on May.19, 2008, under Articles, No One and a Half

Scribed by Jason Firestone.

I think we can all agree that the average music listener is a (continue reading…)

Comments Off on No One and a Half: Types of Local Music Fans, pt. 1 more...

No One and a Half: That Guy vs. That Asshole

by on May.12, 2008, under Articles, No One and a Half

Scribed by Jason Firestone.

I am that guy. Ya know, THAT guy.
I’m that guy who will go to a local show not only wearing the well-worn and faded t-shirt of the band I came to see, but telling everyone who comes near the door to stay for the band, because “being fully conscious at work tomorrow isn’t as important as staying for this band. Trust me.”
I’m that guy who, upon seeing (continue reading…)

Comments Off on No One and a Half: That Guy vs. That Asshole more...

No One and a Half: Contrary to Popular Belief, Pt. 2

by on May.05, 2008, under Articles, No One and a Half

Scribed by Jason Firestone.

…Maryland is not “the south.”

…just because you went on a nationwide tour, that doesn’t mean the whole country automatically knows who you are.

…getting a small little article written about your band in the local newspaper is no guarantee of stardom. (continue reading…)

Comments Off on No One and a Half: Contrary to Popular Belief, Pt. 2 more...

No One and a Half: Contrary to Popular Belief, Pt. 1

by on Apr.28, 2008, under Articles, No One and a Half

Scribed by Jason Firestone.

…just because you tell everyone and their mother that you’re playing a show on a certain date at a certain time at a certain place, that doesn’t mean they’ll actually come to the show.

…just because some rich kid with a desire to play music is ridiculously spoiled their whole life, that doesn’t mean they’ll actually make decent music. It goes the other way too. For example, just because a rapper is “from the ghetto,” that doesn’t mean they’ll be a good rapper. (continue reading…)

Comments Off on No One and a Half: Contrary to Popular Belief, Pt. 1 more...

Looking for something?

Use the form below to search the site:

Still not finding what you're looking for? Drop a comment on a post or contact us so we can take care of it!

Visit our friends!

A few highly recommended friends...