The TLP Network

No One and a Half: Point of View

by on Jul.22, 2008, under Articles, No One and a Half

Scribed by Jason Firestone.

The Band Member:
“I had a show Saturday. Woke up at 8am because I still had to work a full day first. I’d give my left nut to be able to have Saturdays off again, especially on show days, but $4 per gallon gas isn’t going to pay for itself. So anyway, I got off work about 5 and headed over to the 7-11 to get a Red Bull and one of those greasy hot dogs that have been sitting out all day. No time to go home, shower, or make something to eat before the show. So I drove a half an hour to the practice space to squeeze in a little warm-up band practice before the show. Let me tell you, this place is far away from EVERYTHING and the power works about half the time, but there are only a handful of places to practice in the area and they all either cost a ton to rent, have six-month waiting lists, or are just not meant to be practice spaces. I’ll take what I can get. And afford.

The rest of the band showed up about 20 minutes after I got there, leaving us to only be able to tear through a couple songs before we had to pack up and haul ass. Of course the venue is on the complete opposite end of town and the owner wanted us there by 7. Wonderful.

We got to the venue at 7:05 and almost got into a car accident several times from rushing to get there, only to realize that none of the other bands would even start showing up until 8:30. The show finally started at 10 and we went on about 11:30. The place was actually filling up! So we sound checked and started our set. Couldn’t really hear myself that great so I asked the sound guy for more vocals in the monitor. The song we started after that I still couldn’t hear my vocals very well. What the hell? I asked the sound guy to please turn it up more but he said he couldn’t. What?? How hard is it to turn ONE KNOB?? Towards the middle of our set I started seeing the place clear out. Of course no one would want to hear me singing off-key. I’d leave too. Sound Guy, you fucking bastard. The entire show sucked because of him and his slacker attitude. All my friends who were still there after we played told me I sounded great but I knew better. I sucked. We sucked.”

The Sound Guy:
“I got called in to do sound on Saturday night. I worked all day at my day job even though I originally was only supposed to work Monday through Friday, and I was looking forward to a nice relaxing night alone with the wifey when the asshole owner of the venue called me up and said that I had to do sound that night. I love doing sound. I’ve been doing it for 20 years. But there are times where I’d much rather just stay home and relax than spend the majority of the night in a smoky bar where everyone’s drinking and partying except for me.

So I got there on time. As always. God, the gear there sucks, but I made due as always. I fired everything up, sound checked, the usual. Another night of band after band all sounding the same. Call me an old bastard, but I remember a time when no one would come see a band if they didn’t at least have their shit together. Not only do 95% of the bands I see nowadays all sound the same, many of them can barely even play their instruments! And worst of all, they all seem to blame me for THEM not knowing what they’re doing on stage! No, YOU’RE causing all that feedback. That’s what happens when you cup the microphone and kneel down right in front of the monitor! That’s what happens when you crank the gain on your guitar amp and play right in front of it!

Anyway, another mediocre band got up on stage at about 11:30. Same old, same old. These guys had their shit together but boy were they cocky! They kept looking around at all the chicks in the room like “oh yeah, you know you want this.” Made me a little nauseous. I’m sure the ladies felt the same way too because the place started clearing out about halfway through their set. The singer wanted more vocals in his monitor so I turned him up. The kid didn’t project with his voice at all, had no resonance, and consequently had no volume. There was only so far I could turn him up without a ton of feedback. So when he asked for even more vocals in the monitor I told him it was up as far as it could go. I told him I could pull some of the other instruments in the monitor back so that he could hear his vocals better but he wasn’t having it. The asshole actually started yelling at me and blaming me for ruining his set! ON STAGE he was doing this! That kid has SOME NERVE!”

Random Guy:
 “So I heard a lot of hot drunk chicks were gonna be at this show on Saturday night. Naturally, I went. Cool place. The bartender made my drinks STRONG! Had big tits too. She totally wanted my cock. There were some bands playing that night but I was busy hitting on the bartender and some of her friends who were at the bar. Then a little later on in the night one of the bands and the sound guy started arguing or something. It was totally lame, so I left. Don’t remember much after that.”

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