The TLP Network

No One and a Half: Short-Term Memory

by on May.26, 2008, under Articles, No One and a Half

Scribed by Jason Firestone.

Venue Owner: Whats up guys! Thanks for playing last night! That was a great show! Hey do you think you could play here again September 24th? I’m trying to set up a good show for then and you guys would be great for it.
Band: Hell yeah, we’re all down for that. Mark us down!
Owner: Awesome, looking forward to it! And remember to keep bringing alcoholics! We can’t make any money off of Red Bull and Coke. Especially with the economy the way it is and everything.
Band: Yeah yeah yeah, we know, we know.

A few weeks pass…

[Band member at a local show:]
Band member: Larry! The fuck are you doing here? I haven’t seen your dumbass out at a show in forever!
Friend: Yeah I know man. I’ve been busy with the baby and everything. The babysitter was coming onto me hardcore so I had to fire her. She was hot but there’s that whole age of consent law and everything and I’m not trying to get locked up… again. My asshole is exit-only, know what I mean? And my psycho bitch of an ex-wife is too busy getting shit-faced and fucking random guys to take care of the kid that she helped make. Shit, she’s the one who told me she was still on the pill.
Band member. Uh… damn. That sucks.
Friend: Yeah man. Hey when’s you guys’ next show?
Band member: Oh it’s on the 24th at the Rusty Trombone.
Friend: You guys are playing at the Rusty again? Fuck yeah! I’ll definitely find a way to come!
Band member: Sweet! Bring some friends too!
Friend: Bro, I’ll bring a car full of people.
Band member: Fuckin’ right, man! Can’t wait!
Friend: Who else is playing?
Band member: Not sure yet, but as soon as I find out I’ll let you know.
Friend: Cool man. Hey Bartender! Get this crazy motherfucker a Heineken!

[Band member at work:]

Boss: Goddammit, you burnt the fries again! Screw it, we’ll just set these aside and have some nice food for later. But get your act together and stop dicking around or else I’m going to start taking these out of your paycheck.
Band member: Okay, okay. It won’t happen again.
Boss: It better not. Take some goddamn pride in your job. And go get that guy his triple bacon cheeseburger and onion rings, he’s been waiting for half an hour already.
Band member: I’ll do it right now.
Boss: Good. Hey, can you work the night of the 24th?  I’m taking off then to just chill, unwind, and get retardedly drunk. Having two jobs is kicking my ass.
Band member: Sorry, I can’t, I have a show that night. You should come out. Great music, great people, and the bartender is GORGEOUS. I hear if you get her drunk enough she’ll show you her tits. Allan told me all about it.
Boss: Really? Wow, yeah I think I’ll have to make that happen…. I mean, yeah I’ll definitely try to make your show.

[Band puts out a myspace bulletin:]
Mark you’re calendars! We’re playing at the Rusty Trombone on September 24th! That’s only three weeks away! And you’ll also be pleased to know that the bartender has some real nice boobage…
Anyway, we aren’t sure what other bands are on the show yet, but we’ll find out in the next couple days and make a flier for it that we’ll throw on all your pages, just to cover all the bases.
Hope to see you there!

[Band checks the calendar on the venue web site to see the lineup for the show:]
September 24th:
1. Tuesday Autumn Whisper
2. Eat My Feet
3. Spike of Xerxes
4. A Black Grave of Sorrow
5. Today We Will Tear Apart That Which Is A Product of You and Him or I
6. Aeortesimalitinessosity

Doors at 8, Show at 9:30
Ladies drink half off!

[Band calls venue owner:]
Owner: Hello?
Band member: Hey man, it’s Jay from Eight Auto Fire.
Owner: Oh hey, what’s going on?
Band member: I looked at the calendar on the Rusty web site to see what other bands were on the show on the 24th and I saw that we weren’t listed on there. We’re still on the show, aren’t we?
Owner: Uh, you guys were never on that show.
Band member: What? Yeah we were! We definitely told you to confirm us after the last show we played there.
Owner: I don’t remember that at all. Are you sure it was the 24th?
Band member: I’m completely sure.
Owner: Well look man, since I like you guys I can squeeze you into the opening slot on a show three weeks after that on October 15th if you want to jump on that.
Band member: Dude, no, we promoted the hell out of this show! 
Owner: Well I’m sorry, but—
[Band member hangs up the phone]

1 comment for this entry:
  1. JImi Lee

    Wow this happened to us,only we didn’t call or check a website,we were in the bar and saw we weren’t listed,and gave the the club owner immortal hell. He said he could get us in,and we said,what makes you think we want in? We chewed him up and spit him out and then reached an agreement. Bands don’t have to put up with this shit!

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