The TLP Network

Sharing the Hate, Spreading the Pain: On Mother’s Water

by on May.15, 2008, under Articles, Sharing the Hate

This piece comes with a disclaimer: Read at your own risk, and I am not responsible if you are disturbed by its content. If anyone knew what my senior design project in college should have been, you know where this is coming from. I only lacked buy-in from the professors and willing donors. I came close to making it a reality. This is a new twist on an old trade, and I will call it version 2.0. Albeit, this apparoach is more practical and able to become a reality.

If people are a consumable and renewable resource, what good can they be for? Let us start with the basics and elaborate on possible ways to consume thy neighbor. Some say people find the utmost peace by the water while others say the ocean is a frightful place of the unknown. Did we come from the water? The answer is yes, as we gestate in embryonic fluid. Did we evolve from fish? Do we have gills? That is irrelevant to this discussion, since we evolved from the womb. Perhaps people’s opinion of the water is a reflection of how they see their mother. They project their feelings of submerging in the fluid with their very childhood and their first years of life.

The embryonic fluid supposedly is saline in nature, and a kin to salt water. Might as well be salt water then, only vitamin enriched. Can they gestate the children of dead mothers in a salt-water fish tank? I have seen close resemblances in movies involving cloning. Has anyone tried to save a second trimester baby in such a fashion? What would they hook the umbilical chord to? This vaguely sounds like an IV connected to bag of liquid food. Sadly, adults cannot drink this fluid and receive sustenance from it. This disconnect must be a safety mechanism for society.

If they could drink it, they would. Not only would they, certain cultures would brag about it. I would sure hate to wake up one morning and go to the store to find cans or bottles of embryonic fluid energy drinks on the shelf. The marketing for it would great though: “Drink Life Deeply,” “Feel Alive,” or “Harness the Power of Youth.”

With marketing you can convince the herd to do almost anything though. People eat and drink what is not healthy for them all the time. What could not be healthy about drinking the very substance, which sustains young life?

A pregnant woman’s water would no longer break; doctors would carefully drain the fluid when the time was right before a cesarean section. Eat your new son’s slightly grilled placenta and wash it down with mother’s water. You should not eat meat and milk in the same sitting, so that option is gone.

The craze would be endless, and people would have embryonic bombs with shots of Yager dropped into the fluid for the ultimate human buzz. Which do you prefer with your Yager? Bull Testicle Hormone, or Human Embryonic Fluid? Use Tequila instead and skip the salt phase. Just do the shot, and eat the lime since the salt is already there. Patron and Mother’s Water is very smooth, very very smooth. You will have to trust me on this one.

I would only hate to wake up one morning and see these cans or bottles in the store of Mother’s Water, because I thought of the idea publicly more recently. Someone else merely beat me to production. This water would be synthetic, since it would take too long to harvest naturally in the field. You would not really be drinking human embryonic fluid, just cloned fluid. I mean artificial fluid with artificial flavors.

The natural stuff would then fetch a very high price on the black market. That is where I would make my money. Trafficking the real thing to Ivory Tower young professionals caught up in the wave of implants and plastic surgery. I could even see more marketing spin in the form of, “Mother’s Water from a Virgin.” That would be spectacular, and probably in a pink or sky blue label.

Would you rather have your Ivory Tower young professionals snorting cocaine, or drinking Mother’s Water to get ahead and crash into their glass ceiling? That is the real question here: What do they want to use to crash?

sincelery,
Leo

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