The TLP Network

No One and a Half: Contrary to Popular Belief, Pt. 1

by on Apr.28, 2008, under Articles, No One and a Half

Scribed by Jason Firestone.

…just because you tell everyone and their mother that you’re playing a show on a certain date at a certain time at a certain place, that doesn’t mean they’ll actually come to the show.

…just because some rich kid with a desire to play music is ridiculously spoiled their whole life, that doesn’t mean they’ll actually make decent music. It goes the other way too. For example, just because a rapper is “from the ghetto,” that doesn’t mean they’ll be a good rapper.

…being good-looking doesn’t prevent one from sucking. However, the girls you were trying to bang forever who are instead going for this ass-clown will be more than happy to tell you what an amazing musician he is. And being ugly as sin doesn’t mean you can’t be a good and successful musician, you’ll just have to try a LOT harder since the only thing people will care about with you is your musicianship and you won’t be able to easily skate by on things like looks. Yeah yeah yeah personality too blah blah blah whatever. The Elephant Man was a nice guy.

…if you’re a chick who can’t get a certain guy to bang you no matter how forward you are, that doesn’t mean he’s a virgin or gay. It means you’re ugly.

…being a musician doesn’t make you interesting.

…just because you have 50 shows listed on your myspace page, it doesn’t mean you’re “starting a revolution”

…just because everyone who frequents a certain dive bar you play at all the time knows who you are, it doesn’t mean anyone else does. Or cares.

…it doesn’t matter how many instruments you play. If you suck, no one will give a shit.

…it doesn’t matter how many songs you’ve written in your life. If they suck, no one will give a shit.

…If someone tells you “I’m too broke to go to the show,” they’re usually bullshitting you. Now, I didn’t say they were lying. They might be tens of thousands of dollars in debt and have a wallet full of pocket lint and year-old condoms, but if they really wanted to go to your show they’d go. You can’t honestly tell me that when 30 Seconds to Mars or some other mall-rock band comes to town your “friend” won’t find a way to get there.

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