The TLP Network

No One and a Half: Pre-Show Banter

by on Apr.21, 2008, under Articles, No One and a Half

Scribed by Jason Firestone.

“What’s up man, thanks for coming out to the show! I’m John, I’m the singer and bassist, that’s Tom, he’s the guitarist, and that’s Dave, he’s the drummer. We’re like a mix of metalcore, death metal, and hardcore, except with really technical parts and some melodic singing. Some people say we sound like Killswitch Engage meets Lamb of God meets Chiodos with a little Atreyu thrown in. We’re a Christian band but we’re not preachy. We just only write lyrics about how Jesus died for all our sins and that if you don’t accept him as your lord and savior and take every word of the Bible literally you’ll be sent straight to Hell to be sodomized by Satan for all of eternity. We have this one song that’s all fast and heavy and stuff and then we have this other song that’s kinda slow but still brutal. And then we have this other song that’s real technical and has this awesome breakdown in it. Dude, you’ll love it. I can tell from your long hair and black t-shirt. We have long hair and black t-shirts too! This is my girlfriend Sarah. She gives great head. It doesn’t say anything about oral sex in what I’ve read of the Bible. Is that your girlfriend right there? Oh ok, then Sarah would LOVE to get with her! She’d let me watch too! Jesus hates fags but I bet he LOVES some girl-on-girl! We’re going on last around 2am-ish, which is awesome because we’ve always wanted to be the headlining band. What? Of course people are going to stick around, we’re HEADLINING! Anyway, nice to meet you bro. I’m going to get another pitcher.”

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