The TLP Network

Sharing the Hate, Spreading the Pain: On the Mirthful Tongue

by on Apr.03, 2008, under Articles, Sharing the Hate

I hurt the one I loved today. I do so simply with a comment, just one sentence. I fear that that sentence will end all that building and the strengthening I have built over this era. Perhaps error is a better word, because that is how it always happens, they end in grave error. Most relationships end upon a single sentence and why should this one be any different? How could days, weeks, months, and years of careful planning and building be undone with a single quip?

Easily.

The fact that I considered the relationship careful planning speaks volumes for itself.

They will say that the sentence that undid everything was said as a showing of the inner core, not filtered. This one sentence would hold truth beyond all attempts at lies, and might as well have been the only object standing in a 1,000 lumen spotlight in a completely empty warehouse. Oh, how I feel like that empty warehouse now. Completely empty, hollow, and dug out.

Then again, perhaps it was the opposite? Perhaps it was a black hole finally unleashed and entered into this dimension consuming all light, all pure, all hope, and all tranquil. Either way, the end result is the same. The black hole does not enjoy what it consumes, it just consumes because it knows no other way. It can know no other way. Such is the story I tell now, a consuming wrath still beating within.

The fact that it was said glibly, and with a laze faire attitude just made the comment even more biting than it should have been. The damage at this point is done, and there is no hope for rebuilding. Now is a time of indifference, and a need to feel numb again. How long? I do not know, nor do I start to care. The numb feeling is a very relaxing feeling, a soothing feeling, a spent feeling.

Perception is a tricky beast, for when one person says one thing, another person hears another thing. Halfway between what is actually said, and what the other person wants to hear is where it ends up. People can beat themselves up over this fact forever, or just accept the fact the can never truly be understood. Correction, they will never be understood if they are anything by average and normal.

Once the damage is done, it is all but impossible to repair. You can lie to yourself, and tell yourself you can repair the damage. However, some things once said simply are too powerful. How does one once they unleashed the rage of the aeons verbally recount or repent that tale? Sadly, there was no misinterpretation here, and that is what made that sentence so much more damaging.

Shattering a person’s reality in one sentence tends to leave a painful scar.

There was a time I felt her gentle hand caress my right shoulder as I sit typing at the desk with my back to her. There was a time I felt the smooth skin of her hand brush up against my face whispering gently into my ear. There was a time those actions brought great warmth and joy. Now those times are gone, not only gone, but dead. I am left alone sitting with my left hand bandaged, bruised, and probably broken. I am left alone with the only human audible sound my own, and yet I know not where it comes from.

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