The TLP Network

No One and a Half: Fill-in-the-Blanks

by on Mar.31, 2008, under Articles, No One and a Half

Scribed by Jason Firestone.

So my buddy in a band called (adjective) (food spelled wrong) sent me an email through (social networking site) about how he wanted my band to play a show with them at a venue called The (adjective) (drinking utensil). I never heard of any of the other bands on the show. Their names were: (season) (noun), (obscure trigonometry term), (farm animal) (male genital organ), and (day of the week) (emotion). I figured that it would be a great opportunity to play for new faces. After confirming the time and date with my band, I told my buddy we could definitely play the show.

The day of the show came. We were super excited. We arrived at the venue at around (time) and were greeted with the site of the owner doing (illicit hard drug). At least we knew where half our pay was going in advance! When the time for us to play finally came, the sound guy introduced himself. Apparently, people call him (woodland creature) (cooking utensil). He looked like he hadn’t slept since the (former US President) administration and took a mix of (stimulant), (cough medicine), (prescription pain medication), (antidepressant), and (barbiturate) right before the show, and topped it off with a (large metric unit of measurement) of (brand of whiskey with a male name).

As expected, he gave us (negative adjective) sound. The monitors sounded like (descriptive expletive). To make matters worse, there weren’t more than (number less than 10) people there. At the end of the night we went to the manager to get our night’s pay, only to find out that we weren’t getting paid because (number less than 20) percent of the money made that night went to the door guy, sound guy, and bar staff, and the rest went to the (state of unintelligence) (descriptive expletive) (illicit drug)-(insertion method ending in “-ing”) owner! What a (expletive that rhymes with “runt”)! We’re never playing there again! That place can (verb) my (male genital organ)!! (Vulgar interjection)!!!!

No comments for this entry yet...

Comments are closed.

Looking for something?

Use the form below to search the site:

Still not finding what you're looking for? Drop a comment on a post or contact us so we can take care of it!

Visit our friends!

A few highly recommended friends...