The TLP Network

No One and a Half: Motivation

by on Mar.03, 2008, under Articles, No One and a Half

Scribed by Jason Firestone.

So on a day off I’m sitting at my computer in my boxers with a bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats and my morning hard-on finally starting to settle down, when I realize I’m now clicking into page #35 of my MySpace bulletins and STILL haven’t found anything resembling something useful. Oh sure, I saw a few chuckle-worthy videos, saw some of my friends’ pictures from some big party that apparently happened while I was sitting in this exact same spot the night before, and heard a new song from a band halfway across the world that I never liked anyway, but overall it’s been a complete waste of time. There are definitely times when all this digging pays off; for example, I’ve gotten onto a couple shows before by replying to “we’re trying to get a show together” bulletins. But really, the only thing I’ve gotten accomplished at this point is getting a little food in my stomach, taking a shit, and finding out that this random chick in Nebraska’s “stripper name” is Kandee First. LOL?

So then it dawns on me: THIS is why I’m not nearly as successful as I’d like to be (or not successful at all, depending on how much slack you want to give me). I’m always vocally against the American pastime of wasting one’s life sitting on the couch watching the propaganda box — uh, I mean, television — and yet what I’m doing isn’t much different (or helpful to me). What I should be doing is making flyers for my upcoming shows, calling and visiting venues, networking with bands, or even just working out. Instead I’m searching Google Images for the perfect picture of mayonnaise to put as my default MySpace picture, finding Family Guy reruns online, watching a video someone made of a Cannibal Corpse song dubbed over The Muppet Show, and closing the blinds so that I can give my right arm a workout without any of the neighbors seeing. I even decided to start writing an article about all this. But the truth is, after I’m done writing it I’ll send it in to the head honchos at TLP — with their 30-story skyscraper, helicopter landing pad on the roof, and matching jumpsuits — and then realize that I’m still sitting at home in my boxers at the computer. That’s when I’ll go and find more clips from The 40-Year-Old Virgin online.

I own the movie, by the way.

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