The TLP Network

Sharing the Love, Spreading the Joy: On Zombie Lords

by on Jan.10, 2008, under Articles, Sharing the Hate

Festive holidays aside, there seems to be a lack of decency this time of the year. Not exactly decency per se, but just casual common courtesy as the dead roam the streets with no fear of dying horrified by the chances that they might actually have to live. In the recent past, we have discussed the fact that zombies will in fact take over the earth within our lifetime. Unfortunately those events have already come to pass. The walking dead are the common filler that infects our lives daily through taking up space, breathing our air, and drinking our water. In return they create waste, procreate, and consume what precious resources are left. They exist to use, and be used vomiting forth their pestilent ways.

As opposed to being a mindless slow moving mass these zombies are actually a thoughtfully controlled mass that has an on demand in the here and the now mentality. The quicker they move towards oblivion the less of a chance they have to realize the intended effect.

Perhaps Alex Garland is correct in making the George Romero zombies of old the running ferocious beasts that expend all their energy and starve to death quickly. The true difference is in that these real life zombies are controlled and manipulated by voodoo zombie lords sitting in their white marketing houses atop mountain scapes. Picture the zombie lord jazz handing with a laser pen on a powerpoint presentation to Bach’s Toccata and Fugue in D Minor as they discuss marketing. Marketing is simply the art of brainwashing the masses into purchasing an item, service, or thinking a certain way.

Time to take the zombie quiz and find out if in fact you are alive?

* Are you so set into a routine where any thought of breaking that routine scares you?
* Do you watch television with the sole purpose of killing time, keeping current, or fashion?
* Are all of your hobbies passive as opposed to active?
* Do you have a hobby or a profession that has no real impact on society where you could be easily replaced and tossed aside?
* Do you have strong political or religious views, but no real understanding of either?
* Are you subject to impulse buying, or purchasing an item because everyone else has one?
* Do you find the need to be trendy to fit in?
* Do you generally complain about your life situation, and yet do nothing to fix it?

If you answered yes to most of these questions: Congratulations, you are one of the walking dead.

Knowing you are a member of the walking dead will not actually help you break free of your bond to the zombie lord though. Flashy imagery aside, you will probably just accept your place in society, and lead a generally numb, but happy existence. As opposed to struggling, you will become relatively stress free as you coast through life. The joys of triumph are not for you, but neither are the pangs of defeat and strife that come the struggle to succeed. In a way, your mindless existence is enviable by those with purpose. You represent the easy way out, and the zombie lords do not want more of lords unless they have created them.

However, there will be times where you will become miserable, and that is when the zombie lord tightens their hold you on. Through their clever marketing ploys, they will make you feel inferior, and give you hope that you can make yourself better. This common technique of breaking down an individual allows one to rebuild that individual. For now, the art of rebuilding involves purchasing an item or service you read about. Everything in life is a commercial and an advertisement whether your realize it or not.

Time to accept your place in society and spend, spend, spend. Once you are in debt struggling pay check to pay check to survive, you are living the true American Dream. Not having a disposable income keeps you content to work your pathetic jobs, and carry on your meaningless existence. Without the ability to quit your job, you are reduced to the lifestyle of a drone. This indentured slavery comes with hope though. Hope that one day you too will retire. Shame that retirement entails greeting people at the door of the friendly neighbourhood supercenter before driving home to your dorm room of death and decay.

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