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No One and a Half: Insert new article title here

by on Dec.17, 2007, under Articles, No One and a Half

Scribed by Jason Firestone.

Blah blah blah. Busy busy busy. No time for chilling… or sleeping… or, well, life.

No change; constant consistency. Head spinning. Who’s gonna catch my head when it flies off? It’ll be like in the Exorcist if her head actually, like unscrewed or something. No one would care about the head itself, people would be more interested in the viral YouTube video of it unscrewing. And making their own parodies of it. Like one with the Dramatic Prairie Dog thrown onto the end of it. I’m laughing at just the though of it!

If I lose anymore sleep I’ll end up being that weird guy on the street curled up in a ball, rocking back and forth, and naming each of my turds. That’ll be funny.

Hey hey hey check it out: I’m playing this show on this one day. And I’m playing another show on this other day. And then the day after that I’m playing this other show at this other place and at this time and you should drop everything you’re doing to come to every single one of them and if you don’t you’re a piece of shit. Because I think it’s pretty damn obvious the world revolves around me, right? After all, I make music for you, not me. As such, it is a privilege for you to follow me around like the guy at the circus who follows the elephants around with a shovel. Yeah right.

The other day I had to leave work early because every time I walked to get something from across the room I’d nearly run into a wall. I don’t remember driving home. How the hell is someone supposed to work, go to school, and play shows four nights a week? I’LL SHOW YOU HOW!! HAHA!! STARBUCKS IS GOD!!! PRAISE STARBUCKS!! I turn steaming hot styrofoam containers vertical and pour that scorching hot magma elixir straight down into my throat. I’M ALIVE AGAIN!!

Who put the bop in the bop-shebop-shebop? I did. Fuck off.

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