The TLP Network

No One and a Half: Two Cents on Stage Shows, Pt. 2

by on Nov.05, 2007, under Articles, No One and a Half

Scribed by Jason Firestone.

Haha! You thought you were done realizing how much you suck! Hold onto your teddy bears, here’s Part 2 of the No One and a Half Two Cents on Stage Shows for Musicians… in list form!

6a. If you’re not a cover band and your set is an hour long or less, don’t do more than one cover. In the end it’s gotta be your band’s music that wins people over.

6b. If you do choose a cover, make sure it doesn’t overshadow your band’s music. For example, a boring-ass metal band trudges through their set of mediocre E minor cliché’s and “praise Satan” goofy lyrics delivered with dead seriousness, and the point where people actually start giving a shit is when the band busts out a cover of “Seek and Destroy.” And then people stop giving a shit once that cover is done.

Covers are meant to add a little bit of familiarity to the set of a band that is relatively unknown. But the mistake a lot of bands make is choosing to play a cover tune that is better than all of their songs combined. If the only good thing people have to say about your set is “that was a badass cover of “Simple Man” then you’ve done something very wrong.

7. Stop TELLING people to get into the music. I’ve seen bands tell their audience (or lack thereof) everything from “yeah, that would be cool if some people came to the front” to ” YOU PUSSY-ASS MOTHERFUCKERS!!! I WANNA SEE A FUCKIN BIG-ASS FUCKIN PIT RIGHT THE FUCK HERE IN FRONT RIGHT THE FUCK RIGHT NOW!! I WANNA SEE SOME FUCKIN BLOOD GODDAMMIT!!!” The truth is that if people are really into your band, they’ll naturally get into the music themselves.

Nothing’s worse than when people start acting like they’re into the music only after a band has made the audience feel sorry for them. It’s called sympathy enthusiasm. It’s fake. Sometimes it gets people moving, but most of the time it causes the audience’s opinion of your band to lessen.

Especially if your dickhead lead singer is all “HEY! YOU ALL AT THE BAR! GET YOUR ASSES RIGHT THE FUCK OVER HERE!” [translation: “STOP HAVING FUN!! I AM VERY INSECURE ABOUT MY ABILITIES AND NEED PEOPLE TO ACT LIKE THEY GIVE A SHIT!!”]. People are paying to see YOU, not the other way around. Everyone plays a dead show once in a while. Deal with it. If people aren’t into your show, more than likely it’s your fault. No one pays to get yelled at. Unless they go to a hardcore show. Please don’t kill me.

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